Heal My Heart
by SBoleyn
Summary: When they first met, they had a little crush on each other. A crush they decided to ignore, beacuse they knew it could turn out to be something too beautiful, too unreal, too big. Now, some years later, they found out that it never went away.
1. Nothing Lasts Forever

Heal My Heart

A\N: I know! I know that I shouldn't be writing another fic when I have so many in progress, but this was an excellent idea by my fanfic bff Amy-Hale(:

Summary: When they first met, they had a little crush on each other. A crush they decided to ignore, beacuse they knew it could turn out to be something too beautiful, too unreal, too big. Now, some years later, they found out that it never went away. It's always been there and, now, they need to face it.

Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own "Grey's Anatomy" or any of its characters :(

R and R!

* * *

Meredith woke up in her bed, just a year after the shooting, when she turned around instead of seeing her husband Derek, she found an empty bed, like the one she's been finding ever since her last miscarrige, counting the one from the day of the shooting in total sha had alredy suffered 5miscarriages, 5 miscarriages that had brought sadness and fights to her marriage, she and Derek couldn't take it anymore, the last 2 times she's been pregnant they didn't even celebrate because they were too scared of loosing it that they didn't get their hopes up, by this time Derek spends all of his time in the hospital, leaving her all alone and sad, for her it's even painfull to watch him in the hospital, so by the time her shift ends, she heads to her house, but this last two weeks she's been distracting herself helping Lexie and Alex with their wedding, or helping Cristina and Owen with their son Tyson. All of her friends are awere of the situation between she and Derek, but she is in no mood to be the pity of everyone, so everyday she wakes up and put on a brave face, trying to be strong even though inside she's dying of pain with her heart broken in million of pieces.

Meredith stood up from bed and went to the kitchen, she prepared herself a cup of coffe and after she drink it she went upstairs to get changed, 20 minutes later she was entering SGH doors, in her way to the locker room she saw Cristina

"hey Mer" said Cristina approaching her with Tyson

"Hey Cris, Hello there baby boy" said Maredith kissing Tyson in the cheek

In that moment Cristina pager went off , she looked at it and said "Can you take him to daycare? it's a 911"

"It's ok, run cardio genius" said Meredith laughing and grabbing Tyson from Cristina

"very funny Mer, thanks" said Cristina leaving with a smile on her face

"well baby let's go to daycare"said Meredith to Tyson

"yay" said the 10 months old grinning

"you are so beatifull Ty" said Meredith looking at him, so she bumped into someone "Oh sorry ...Derek" she said when she met his face

"hi Meredith" said Derek loking at her

"how are you? I didn't saw you this morning"

"ohh yes, I had to..umm..come earlier, I'm good and you?"

"Ohh ok, I'm fine thanks"

"hey Mer you need to decide wich speciality you're going to choose"

"Ok, I'll leave the papers at your office, I'll see you later I have to take Tyson to daycare"

"Ohh ok" said Derek before watching her leave, 15 minutes later meredith entered the locker room

"hey Mer" said Alex

"Hello Alex, how are you?"

"great, god I'm so nervous for the wedding"

"it's normal to feel nervous, who's going to be the best man?"

"Sloan"

"ohh that's good, but why him?" said Merdith changing

"he's a very good person, and we became closer over the years, so I need to thank him for that and a lot more things like saving my life" said Alex laughing

"well you have a point" said Meredith joining his laugh

"and how are you and Derek?"

"good, really" said Meredith faking a smile

"Mer don't lie to me, I saw him here at 5am, before he would've done everything to spent more time with you"

""Fine Alex, we are going trought a very bad time that's it"

"umm..I don't beleive you, but clearly you don't want to talk about it"

"thanks Alex, now I gotta go" with this Meredith went to the nurses station

"Hey Mer" said Mark aproaching her

"Hi Mark"

"how are you?"

"great and you?"

"fine, do you have something interesting, all I have is charts"

"of course I have something interesting, plastics is amazing" said Mark with his McSteamy grin

"and you're cocky" said Meredith smiling

"hey! now you won't help me reconstruct a face"

"Mark come on! I NEED surgeries, pleeaaaaaseeee" begged Meredith

"fine, just because I can't resist your puppy eyes, let's go"

"yes!" said Meredith, with this they left and 4 hours later they were scrubbing out, in the moment they were laughing like crazy people thanks to something that Mark said, Derek entered the scrub room

"hey man" said Mark

"Hi Derek" said Meredith

"hello guys, how did your surgery went?" asked Derek

"great, it was amazing" said Meredith

"yep, and here you have a scalpel goddes" said Mark looking at Meredith

"Ohh that I know, speaking of scalpels did you alredy decided Mer?"

"I think that I'm choosing plastics" said Meredith

"REALLY?" said Mark grinning

"I think Mark, I'm not sure" said Meredith laughing at Mark's face

"well you need to decide today" snapped Derek

"I know that Derek" said Meredtih storming off the room

"man you need to calm down a little" said Mark before leaving, at this Derek hit the wall with his foot and entered the O.R

Meredith went to the cafeteria and sitted with Lexie, Owen and Cristina

"hi guys"

"hi Mer" said Lexie

"hello" said Owen

"hey" said Cristina

"Mer did you choose your specialty?" asked Lexie seeing that Meredith was filling the forms

"yep"

"what did you choose?" asked Owen

"Neuro dah" said Alex sitting next Lexie

"nope, I choosed plastics" said Meredith, at this commet all of them gasped

"really?" asked Alex

"yes"

"Mer are you nuts?" asked Cristina

"no! I'm fine, I just really like plastics, neuro is very stressfull and I don't want Derek as my chief"

"Derek is alredy your chief, well our chief" sadi Lexie

"yes, but If I go into neuro it will be worst, so I'm going to leave these papers at his office" said Meredith leaving, when she got to his office he was there so she handed him the papers

"plastics really?" asked Derek

"yes, really"

"why?"

"I like it, it's something that really caughts my atention"

"I'm going to give you 2 more days to think about it"

"Derek I know you want me to choose neuro but I won't!" said Meredith almost shouthing

"why Meredith? so you don't need to be so close to me?"

"ACTUALLY YES, BECAUSE I'M SO SAD THANKS TO YOU DEREK, WE DON'T EVEN TALK ANYMORE, YOU SPEND EVERY SINGLE MINUTE HERE! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL!"

"HOW YOU FEEL? WHY DON'T YOU THINK OF HOW I FEEL? THE THING I WANT THE MOST IS A BABY! AND YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE SATAYING IN YOUR BELLY FOR MORE THAN 4 MONTHS" at this commet Meredith had her mouth wide open and tears were running down her cheeks

"is that how you feel? good then" said Meredith leaving

"no..no Mer, no that was not what I was trying to say..Mer!" said Derek going behind her trought the nurse's station

"GO TO HELL DEREK" said Meredith entering an on call room, and closing the door, with this Derek went to his office, but not before telling the people who were watching "GO BACK TO WORK!"

Meedith was crying in the bed when she heard the door open, so she said "leave Derek"

"it's not Derek" then she knew who it was, she would recognize that voice everywere

"Mark" said Meredith sitting up

"no..no lay down, it's ok, are you ok?"

"no..he said that I couldn't have a baby staying in my belly for more that 4 months, ho..how does he think I feel" said Meredith broking into sobs,, at this Mark lied next to her and hugged her before saying "it's ok, now call down, we'll talk about this later, now relax" at this Meredith snugled closer to him and he kissed her forehead, minutes later Meredith fall sleep in Mark's embrance


	2. Won't Go Home Without You

Heal My Heart

A\N: I didn't expect such a huge response! thanks!...Guys to those of you who added my story to your story alert subscription list, please leave a review so I can know what you think ;)

A\N 2: remember that I said that it was 1 year after the shooting, well it's actually 2 years, I made a mistake :)

Summary: When they first met, they had a little crush on each other. A crush they decided to ignore, beacuse they knew it could turn out to be something too beautiful, too unreal, too big. Now, some years later, they found out that it never went away. It's always been there and, now, they need to face it.

Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own "Grey's Anatomy" or any of its characters :(

R and R!

* * *

Meredith woke up embraced by Mark, and for the first time in months she felt secure, she didn't want to le go of him, so she turned around, and found him loking at her

"hey" Mark whispered running his hands trought her hair

"hi" replied Meredith "How much did we sleep?"

Mark reached for his phone that was in his pocket and said "2 hours"

Meredith smiled and said "well it's a good thing that I'm on your service"

"why?" said Mark raising his eyebrows

"that way my boss won't be able to yell at me because he fall sleep too" said Meredith teasing him

"Ohh very funny Dr. Grey, but you were the one that run inside here" said Mark grinning

"well Dr. Sloan you were the one that followed me" said Meredith smiling

"ÿeah well I guess you're right in that, can I make it up to you by inviting you to have lunch with me?"

"Mark lunch time was years ago" said Meredith giggling

"yes but I know by fact that you didn't eat, and honestly me neither" said Mark sitting up

"Ok let's go then" said Meredith standing up and heading for the door, when she saw that Mark was still there she said "Are you comig or not?"

"what if people see us going out together, and think that we're having an affair or something " said Mark standing up

"Honestly I don't care" said Meredith opening the door and leaving, being closly followed by Mark

* * *

Derek was sitting in his office trying to figure out in wich moment his life became a mess, when his phone started to ring

"Dr. Shepherd" said Derek answering his phone

_"Hi Der"_

"Amy? is that you?"

"_Of course it's me ass_" replied his sister Amelia laughing

"How are you little sis?"

"_I'm the one who should be asking that_"

_"_I don't want to talk abour my life Amy_" _replied Derek with a warning tone

_"well, I was calling bacause Addie and I are going to Seattle and well a job offer could be good"_

_"_WHAT? you're moving here?_"_

_"yep, and before you ask we're moving because I want to be closer to you and Addie can't stand being next to Pete or Sam anymore"_

"Oh wow that's a LOT to take in, but it's great at the same time, well you'll be in my department and Addie can be the head of the OB\GYN department, I just need to make the arrangments"

"_that's great Der, we'll be there in 2 weeks..Oh crap an emergency I gotta go_"

"Bye Amy" with this the line went dead, Derek looked out the window and saw Meredith walking down the hall with Mark, he thought that they were going to a patients room, so he decided to talk to her later

* * *

Meredith and Mark were sitting in the cafeteria eating hamburgers and talking

"so.." Mark started

"so what?" said Meredith

"you and Derek"

"ohh...it's that I don't know I think our marriage is falling apart and there's nothing I can do to fix that, everytime we see eachother we fight and it's frustrating, the last time we had sex was like 4 months ago..And I can't talk to anyone because Cris is taking care of Ty, Alex and Lexie are planning their wedding and I don't have Izzie or George to make me laugh" said Meredith with tears in her eyes

"you can talk to me" said Mark grabbing her hands

"thank you"

"ohh no don't thank me for that"

"well then you can talk to me too" said Meredith smiling

"about what big Grey?"

"Mark I know that you still love Lexie"

Mark sighed and said "the day before the shooting I proposed to her, well kinda"

"really?"

"yes, but now she's marrying Karev and I'm the best man"

"you won't be alone, I'm the bridesmaid" said Meredith grinning

"really?" said Mark smiling

"yep"

"that's great!..then when I got drunk you'll be taking care of me" said Mark teasing her

"Mark come on!"

"what? seriously that day I'm gonna be drunk as hell"

"No you won't" said Meredith laughing

"why?" said Mark joining her laugh

"because I said so"

"really" said Mark raiding his eyebrows and smirking

"ohh yes" said Meredith gigling

In that moment Derekentered the cafeteria and went to Meredith's and Mark's table

"hey guys" said Derek, at this Meredith and Mark let go of eachothers hands

"hey man" said Mark, Meredith didn't reply

"Mer, I..um.. it's 6 o'clock, are you off?"

"yes, why?" said Meredith looking at her clock

"let's go home together please, I want to talk with you" begged Derek

"ok" said Meredith standing up, at this Mark stood up too and she said "bye Mark, thanks"

"It's ok Mer" replied Mark before kissing her cheek and leave

"lets go" said Derek and grabbed her hand "you're not going to change?"

"nope" replied Meredith "the sooner we get home better"

* * *

I HATED this chapter, well the end of it mostly, I was trying to write something else but I found it very hard to do, so I decided to end the chapter here and that way you could see the difference between Mer\Mark and Mer\Der

xoxo Sam


	3. Makes Me Wonder

Heal My Heart

A\N: Hey guys! I'm sooo sorry for the delay, I hope you're still interested in this story

I don't own Grey's Anatomy or any of it's characters, If I did I would be giving you promos or something like that, not having you wait 'till the premiere! sorry I'm mad at Shonda for that.

Enjoy!

* * *

She didn't want to have another figth with him, but that was bound to happen anyway, it wasn't like 3 years ago when they would mend everything with sex, they were not the same people, they didn't talk anymore, they didn't cuddle anymore, they would just talk as if they were strangers and not a married couple, and she feared that the history of the marriage between Addison and Derek would repeat again, of course she wasn't sleeping with Mark, and Addison didn't have 5 miscarriages, but the promise of the perfect happy ending was miles away and that scared the hell out of Meredith Grey. So when she and Derek got home she was preparing herself for the worst, she knew they needed to talk, but she wasn't expecting to be in the place she was now, sitting in Mark Sloan's kitchen crying over the events that took place just 30 minutes ago, while he prepared her a cup of tea.

_"I want us to talk" was the first thing Derek said when they entered their house in his land _

_"I know that" replied Meredith with a very cold tone_

_"Mer I want us to be what we were before"_

_"why are you telling me this? you're the one who's been avoiding me"_

_"Meredith I know that but I'm scared"_

_"WHAT ABOUT ME? I'M SCARED TOO!" yelled Meredith_

_"WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE ABOUT YOU!" yelled Derek slamming his fist on the kitchen table_

_"YOU DIDN'T JUST SAID THAT"_

_"OH I DID, NOW YOU'RE GOING TO SAY THAT IT'S BECAUSE YOUR MOM AND YOUR DAD THAT YOU'RE SO SELF-CENTERED"_

"_I'M SELF-CENTERED? WHAT ABOUT YOU! ALL YOU SAY IS THAT YOU WANT A BABY! AND THAT YOU'RE SCARED!''_

_"BECAUSE IT'S THE TRUTH! I WOULD DO EVERYTHING__ TO HAVE A BABY! EVERYTHING!"_

"_THEN WHY DON'T WE ADOPT? OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?_"

"_because I want to have a baby that is mine_" _said Derek quietly_

_"even if it's not with me?" whispered Meredith with tears in her eyes, scared of the answer_

_"I don't know" replied Derek letting a tear fall down his cheek_

And that's how she ended in Mark's apartment, thinking of her husband, of her messy life, and wondering why she couldn't be happy like everyone else? like lexie and Alex? like Cristina and Owen?, her thougths were interrupted when Mark said "here's the tea"

"thanks" replied Meredith grabbing the cup, and drinking the tea

"do you want to talk about what happened?" asked Mark sitting next to her

"no, this, you being here, it helps, I just can't go to Cristina's and watch her with Ty, or to Lexie's and watch her with Alex" said Meredith cleaning her face with a napkin

"I get it, it's not easy for you to watch them being all happy, while you're not" said Mark

"exactly, thanks Mark I don't now what I would do without you"

"well dirty mistresses have to stick together" said Mark

"yeah, I guess we do"

"either way Grey, you better thank god that I wasn't with a woman, because you wouldn't be here drinking tea" said Mark teasingly

"and that's the Mark I know and love, ruining a beautiful moment, with his comments" said Meredith laughing

Mark joined her laugh and after a few minutes he said "do you want something to eat?"

"nope, I just want to sleep" said Meredith yawning

"ok, come" said Mark motioning for her to follow him, they entered his bedroom, he grabbed one of his white t-shirts and a pair of boxers and handed them to Meredith, before saying "take this"

"Mark I can sleep with this clothes"

Mark looked at her jeans and sweater and said "no you can't, so put these"

"fine" answered Meredith, grabbed the boxers and the t-shirt and headed to the bathroom, 10 minutes later she was out of it with the clothes on and her hair in a pony tail, she looked at Mark who was dressed just like her and said "what are we? the dream team" before laughing

"kind of" answered Mark joining her laugh, after a few seconds she laid on the bed, he put the covers over her, kissed her forehead and said "goodnight Mer"

"where are you going?" asked Meredith

"the couch" answered Mark

"come on! you have to be kidding me! you can sleep here, it's not like we haven't shared a bed together before"

"well that's rigth" said Mark, with that he joined her in the bed and hugged her 'till they drifted to a peaceful sleep

* * *

Derek Shepherd was mad, mad at himself, mad at Meredith, mad at god, if god even existed, all he ever wanted was a wife like Mereith, a woman who would give him her love, and would also give him the most beatifull children on earth, but of course he couldn't get what he worked so hard for, his wife had suffered 5 miscarriages, and he had just told her that he didn't knew if he wanted to have kids that were his so hard, that he was willing to have them with another women instead of her, he felt like crap for saying that to her, but he felt even worse for actually feeling it, he knew he was being self-centered and bad, but he just wanted to have a little girl and a little boy with his genes, was that too much to ask? apparently it was, but he also loved Meredith more than life itself, so was he willing to loose her over a baby? he honestly didn't know, so he decided to call the house of the person where Meredith would be staying, because she wasn't answering her phone

"_Cristina Yang, what do you want?_" answered Cristina at the end of the other line

"hey Yang, it's me Derek, is Meredith there?"

"_no, what happened? did you 2 had a figth?_"

Derek was shocked to hear that his wife wasn't in her person's house "yes, do you have any clue of where she migth be?"

_"Ï don't know, maybe at Lexie's or at Sloan's, sorry but Ty is crying and Owen is not here, bye" _and with that the line went dead

in that moment Derek realized something, Lexie and Alex were on-call, so she wasn't there, the only place left for her to be was at Mark's apartament, and Derek instantly felt jelousy and fear, jelousy because her wife was trusting Mark just like Addison did, and fear for the story to repeat itself again, so he asked himself, _what should I do to stop that from happening?_ and just when he was looking at the sky he decided that he was not going to make the same mistake twice, he was not going to give them time, he was going to face Mark and stop the thing he hated from happening, having his wife stealed once again by his best friend.

* * *

Sooooooooo what do you think? you better review because it's 2 am in the morning and I was writing for you! hehe Love you guys :)


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